The archetypical scapegoat — being more worried about being accused of something dreadful more than something dreadful happening to you. Not to say you’ve never been guilty— but that your guilt is assumed far before any evidence is even weighed. Being misunderstood makes one an ideal scapegoat, “mysterious” and “sketchy” are often interchangeable. If they can’t figure you out, they either adore you or scrutinize you. Whatever they can’t figure out about you they imagine that space filled with pure faith *rarely* or pure evil. Being afraid to leave your room not because it may be dangerous but because you may be accused of being the danger. Hyper-vigilance, not towards indignant eyes, but skeptical ones.. What makes you alive is that you fear this more than death. After a while you become immune to exile. You’ve made a game out of being a straight arrow. Stop trying to play martyr. Suffering alone does not cleanse or redeem. You are a people pleaser, sad to say. There is no virtue in that. They only love you as an ineffectual ego mirror. Taboo. They want to save you from the tortures of the world not realizing that this same routed mentality is the torture. You want to be free to be a sensual / passionate human being. They can’t want for you what they don’t want for themselves and they don’t even understand what you want. This is the moment where you realize you can’t continue to people please and the world crashes down on you. The problem is they see pain in your love. The problem is they see everything the world did to you through your passion. They’ve been taught not to feel it. They’ve been taught it’s just poison. They didn’t stop loving Kevin Durant when he left OKC , they stopped loving him when he learned how to speak. Oh how he’s sooooooo full of himself ..